New faces, new places.

Normally i have a plan for these posts, but i felt as if i had neglected it and i don’t enjoy the thought of that. I have nothing of extreme importance to share really. Nothing monumental. I suppose, what with it being the end of this year soon, i should reflect on the days that have passed. Spontaneity is key.

Yet again this year has come and gone with great speed. so much has happened and I’m grateful for all the times that I’ve shared with people. At different points of the year my friends and i have been tested. Each point is like a sieve, only the good fall through and i am pleased to say that the friends i have around me now are some of the best and that group keeps expanding. New experiences bring new faces and this year has had many a new experience. This year has been difficult, people have left to get on with their lives, but the important ones still have their foot this side of the door, life hasn’t dragged them all the way out just yet. I’m just waiting for my turn. I guess I'm saying thank you to those who have kept this year interesting for me.

It’s always worth a shot

hold this way up

Sat on a bus next to an empty seat yet people chose to stand. Where has our relation with the one another gone? What seems like an age ago people used to converse with total strangers on the bus about meaningless things but they still spoke.

Chivalry has died as much as it hurts me to say. It now takes a special person to give up their seat for an elderly person or an expecting mother. Why is it that when I see this, what used to be routine act, that I am amazed and a sense of “well done that man” comes over me, expressed to the world by a smile.

We have become so comfortable situated in our own box with out familiarities and creature comforts but what happens, when once in a while, your soul purpose isn’t yourself. What happens when you go against all that the British culture tells you to do and reach out to someone , in someway. Like, picking up a babies dummy when they drop it, or picking up someone’s scarf or even acknowledging their very existence with a good morning or a hello. You lose nothing but theoretically that one act can make someone’s day. What if that dummy is the only dummy that will send that baby to sleep? What if that scarf belonged to her mum who just recently passed away. Or what if that one person you said hello to needed some reassurance that even though they are a molecule in this grand design they still matter. The machine works because all of the clogs are working. it’s a possibility. We ourselves are possibilities. Our very existence is a result of a sequence of extraordinary possibilities.

Don’t look for a reward for these acts. You don’t give to receive. Why should you have a fanfare every time you do something polite, something that shouldn’t really be asked of you? Knowing that you’ve done it should be enough. That you alone has changed the direction of that persons day if only for a moment. 
 
its always worth a shot

stability is over rated.

I think as a person I long for the unknown. We all do. This human obsession with what we don’t have cant be avoided. It comes knocking at your door, even in a door less house. And those who say they don’t want for something are liars. We all, at some point, want something. Whether for yourself or someone else, materialistic or emotional. There’s nothing wrong with wanting. But I want to not want.


Normality is my greatest want. But why do I want it? I’ve never tasted the sweets of “normality” so why am I like Charlie in the chocolate factory every day, gazing in wonder. I’m happy, don’t get me wrong, but I gaze upon peoples lives, who I perceived to be perfect and cant help but feel the green monster over whelm me.

I suppose the question that plays in my mind is, “why me?” but I’ve always been against self loathing. That in itself is an illness. I spend my life fighting against it, to keep happy and to roll with the punches, but what happens when your fight runs out?

I think you value life when it has been tempted to leave you. But should it really have to threaten to leave before we enjoy it?



Its always worth a shot…

swings and roundabouts

The modern day diary. Where the option of secrecy isn’t an option. The need to be constantly in contact with the viral world is insane and me commenting on this fact is hugely ironic seeing as though I’m blogging on the exact thing I’m picking apart. Technology is like a Sunday; its good because its lazy and pressure less but it always has its downfall, the Monday feeling.

This whole concept seems pointless. You’re theoretically talking to yourself and people so happen to come across your expression. Years ago people wrote in diaries. Little books decorated in doodles and stickers and hidden in the most secretive part of your room. Now, everyone is concerned about comparing lives. Delving into peoples minds, gaining un earned intimacy. But yet, here I am. The viral I. so I might aswell give something to compare to.


Many, and I use that term lightly, people have suggest to me to write something over the years. To let the world that I have kept at arms length for eighteen years in. Apparently my story, my life, my thoughts are worth telling.


Its always worth a shot…